Letter to David, who had asked what was going on, in a vapid, American, Californian, DIGAF sort of a way:
Now, David, this is a bit complicated, so I need you to concentrate.
There was an attack in New York caused by a terrorist group called Al Qaida so the US went to war with them but, as they didn’t really have a home – being terrorists and not a country – the US attacked their landlords in Afghanistan. This attack is still going on more than ten years later.
In the meantime the US beat up the country called Iraq, quite nearby, because they thought it might be dangerous. It wasn’t but, hey, why let that spoil the fun, eh? After a while – well about ten years, actually, the US got bored with Iraq and decided the natives could kill each other from now on without help from the US, so they privatised that mission.
In doing all these operations the US captured quite a lot of these Al Qaida terrorists and took them to a holiday camp in Cuba so they could ask them questions and so on. This is still going on, too, although they do have more holidaymakers in Bagram, in Afghanistan, which they have also privatised.
Are you still with me, David? Well, that is good, because I still have quite a lot to tell you. It is quite a difficult story, tho’ shrimps don’t come into this one.
Now, these terrorists are funny people and more recently the United States has been thinking of ways they could use them for themselves. This was very useful in getting rid of the President of Libya, who, although he was friendly and had got rid of all his weapons of mass destruction, did run a sharing socialist government and a very well cared for and rewarded population and kept the ownership of his country’s oil with the government.
Then another country called Syria, also well and democratically governed, looked ripe for takeover. Hostile takeover. “We can do that” they said in the Pentagon, “with our terrorists. We’ll call them rebels and arm them to the teeth. We’ll call them Al-CIA-da by merging the two operations”.
Well the mission went well and Syria grew more and more distressed as tens of thousands were killed and millions fled the country. Other allies in the area joined in. Turkey, moving slowly to autocratic sheikdom provided the base to train and equip the invading jihad whilst Saudi Arabia and other existing Sheikdoms paid the mercenaries salaries and provided their munitions.
But they didn’t have an airforce of note and the Syrian government did. So there had to be a way to bring in US air power.
Prince Bandar, of Saudi Arabia, an Arabian Knight, you might say, provided yet another toxic gas bomb, from his extensive, personal supply, which was exploded in chaotic circumstances by now very dead mercenaries. But the deed was done. Here was a perfect “false flag” poisoning the US government could blame on President Assad. And so they did. At last, the US could bring in their bombers and cause thorough, out and out chaos for 90 days (60 days plus 30 bonus days “just in case”). That would allow the takeover to be completed.
The United States Presidentobama called his lackies in Europe, to inform them what he was doing – it’s only polite to keep your lackies informed. In the UK, David Moron said “Oh yes, that’s great. Can we play, too. We’ve got some sooper planes and, of course, our pilots are second to none, I mean second only to yours oh great Obamapresident”. The French President Edam Cheese was even more ingratiating.
Under cover, behind closed doors, in their little houses the people of Britain got a bit upset. Then a lot upset and somehow, somehow this got thro’ to their Parliament who voted NO to Mr Moron joining in Barack’s bomb party. Later so did the French. “Sacre Bleu, we hate zat ‘orrible cheese”. In fact it slowly dawned on the World that no-one outside the White House and the Pentagon, and Riyadh and Tel Aviv, wanted the US to openly join the conflict.
“Sh*t” Presidentobama was heard to utter “What do I do now? Oh, yes, I’ll ask Congress. Then, when it all goes horribly wrong – I CAN BLAME THEM.”
Please, please, please ring your congress people and tell them it would be totally MAD to start bombing Syria.
Please, do it again and again and again. We don’t want this conflict to escalate into world war three which is exactly what will happen in one US bomb is dropped on Damascus.
Get out of Syria, stay out of Syria and learn to let the World sort its own problems out. Greed is NOT good. It is SO yesterday.
There. Told you it was complicated!