Failed classroom bully David ‘Moron and his cronies were finally all put back in their bedrooms last night after having every last one of their toys confiscated. They all had to endure a stern talking to and will have no pocket money for the foreseeable future. David will probably lose his paper round very soon.
It seems that their plotting had spread quite wide and led to the ruin of the decor in a neighboring property called the BBC, where all the fixtures had been altered almost beyond recognition. The John Humphreys feature no longer had its own voice and had had its integrity device removed entirely whereas the Paxman had been given the personality of a snake. Behind the scenes, the Chair had developed a severe case of woodworm, its Pattens all damaged, but it was clear that, once again, he was responsible for all the chaos. It was he who had coordinated the BBC side of the plot to oust the Syrian Government and now he who should accept responsibility and resign.
Needless to say, this was the last thing he intended to do. Early the next morning he walked down the long corridor and up those staeps and knocked on the door of Whatisnametheguy whousedtobeinoperaIthink, the latest occupant of the revolving Director Generalship. The door opened and Patten entered, dustily.
His mouth framed sundry opening expletives, none of which seemed to work, so he sat down. There was a further cloud of dust. He had lost any initiative.
“Whadoyou want?” said the DG, tersely.
Taken aback Chris could only answer honestly – against all his natural tendencies.
“Your scalp”, he blurted out, “All this cr*p you’ve been dishing out for the Government. ‘Smaking us a laughing stock and the whole country hates us.
“You try that and I’m taking you down too. We all know it’s you who put us under direct control of No10 and Murdoch and you know that I can prove it.”
Elsewhere in the Corporation small groups of resistance fighters still held out, determined not to give up on their fiction, their delusion, their entrenched cognitive dissonance. News reporters were seen and heard making wild gestures to describe how big the Assad detonated bombs had been. One peeled an onion and began weeping “I was walking up to the little kindergarten school, staffed by dedicated Talibanettes when I realised that an unspeakable disaster had taken place. Instead of happy, smiling faces I saw a bomb crater. In the wind I could hear the cries of the five hundred little souls my minder told me had been there only five minutes earlier, before the evil Assad personally detonated this hell.” Now weeping uncontrollably she gestured to the cameraman to stop filming. “That’ll be good for the six o’clock” she then curtly added and quickly left the room.
So the general atmosphere in the BBC headquarters – Teletubbyland, I think it’s still called – was sinking further and further from any connection to reality. Even suggestions to rebrand BBCNews as a comedy channel are receiving lukewarm response – people are all saying “Oh, I’ve seen it all before” – which, of course, they have!
Further repercussions of the foiling of David’s plot came later as NATO said they’d never want to play with him again leaving only the Americans and the French still in the game. The latter were heard “But after the time when you sooo missunderstoood us and you were sayin alll those ‘orrible things about us and our cheeezes well, we really wanted to make sure we were ‘appy together once more”.
Sychophantasy or something, certainly a very motley crew and what they may now acieve I have no idea. Loads of sane Americans are crying “Foul” and despairing of their government and I sincerely hope they too back off.
“But sacre bleu, zat just leaves us and a handful of crazy sheiks. We must find Aladin and his lamp and maybe Scheherezade ……”
Hollande seems to share Cameron’s grasp of reality. With leaders like these – who needs enemies!