Reeling from the revelations of crass attempts to draw funding from MI5 to subsidise their flagship current affairs documentary programme, latest new BBC Director General Sir Umi’ve Forgotten Hisname called a brief press conference today and let it be known that, as he was so far out of his depth already, he felt he may as well go now whilst he still had his head upon his shoulders. Accordingly he has agreed to leave his post at the end of this month to take up a role as caretaker in the Royal Opera House “Where I still have some contacts”.
The shadowy figure of an Australian prospector was seen shuffling in the background – “Wha-hooo, I’ve struck gold again” he was heard to cry as a new committee was being hurriedly assembled to consider the ramifications of Sir Umi’ve Forgotten Hisname’s departure.
“I suppose we could ask the plumber to step in again for a few months, whilst we find another mug” said the Chair, falling into his usual pattern and attempting and forever failing to produce a smile. He was met with stony silence. Embarrassed, he continued: “Well I thought he was quite good. He fixed my kitchen sink for me, anyway. All right then – what shall we do? Any bright ideas in any of YOUR heads. Huh, any ideas at all?”
The silence became noticeably more hostile and deeply malevolent as the smile still struggled to emerge on his face. It was not an appealing visage. The silence pushed in on him ever more aggressively. Suddenly, he could take it no more and stood up, shouting “Alright, alright, alright. I’ll go as well. Let me tell you, I’ve always hated the job anyway. I don’t need you – the place is still a hotbed of reds, even now we’ve got every one of them gagged. Rupert won’t give me the time of day and I know that’s because of who I associate with.”
With that, he stormed out of the room as only a spent buffoon can – you want a description? – leaving the silence to gently fester.
“We’re finished, aren’t we?” quietly stated a small, rather offended voice.
“Yes” came a categorical chorus from the other dozen or so bodies in the amorphous sump.